


i can't call you a stranger, but i can't call you up

by lizzy_stardust_18



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Heidi is getting married, Jared is an angsty boy, M/M, Probably Too Many, also past kleinphy friendship bc that is a giant headcanon for me, bc the author is an emo, he shouldn't drink so much, i just want Heidi Hansen to find love and be happy, i wrote this while i was stressed abt my ap tests so it's Special to me, it's a fix it fic but two years after good for you, meme references, that they were friends once, title is from "Tell Me How" by Paramore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 23:00:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14778926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzy_stardust_18/pseuds/lizzy_stardust_18
Summary: Jared fiddled his thumbs. He wished more than anything that he could move to a different seat, but causing a scene at Heidi Hansen’s wedding reception wasn’t exactly high on his to-do list. Besides, he was an adult. He had a job. He ate ramen only three times a week. He could handle a simple social interaction like a real human being. He was lucky that no one else had found their seats at his table yet. It gave him time to gather his wits about him. He drummed his fingers on the table nervously.





	i can't call you a stranger, but i can't call you up

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr if you want: https://lizzy-stardust-13.tumblr.com/

Jared Kleinman was capable of handling a great number of challenges. He’d passed his hellish English Literature class with an A minus, he’d fixed his laptop when it had started smoking in the middle of the library, and he had figured out how to make the perfect ratio of coffee-to-cream-and-sugar to make his drinks not taste like Satan’s aspartame-filled piss. He considered himself quite proficient at handling the obstacles life put in his way. But of all of the challenges life had given him thus far, alphabetical seating looked like it was going to be the end of him. Who even decided that H and K should be so close in the alphabet anyway? Whose idea was that? Whoever it was, Jared was going to sue them for emotional damages.

Jared fiddled his thumbs. He wished more than anything that he could move to a different seat, but causing a scene at Heidi Hansen’s wedding reception wasn’t exactly high on his to-do list. Besides, he was an adult. He had a job. He ate ramen only three times a week. He could handle a simple social interaction like a real human being. He was lucky that no one else had found their seats at his table yet. It gave him time to gather his wits about him. He drummed his fingers on the table nervously.

 

He was going to share the table with Heidi and her new husband, which was fine, Jared liked the guy already from what he’d seen of him, and Jared’s mom would sit next to Heidi on her other side. That left him, his dad, and Evan Hansen in the remaining seats. Which was fine. It was fine that Evan was going to be sitting with Jared. Right next to him, in fact. Evan, whom he hadn’t spoken to since their falling out in high school (not counting the two times Jared had drunk dialed Evan to curse him out through a series of sobs), Evan, who, for lack of a better way to phrase it, ripped out his heart and stomped on it, would be sitting next to him for the entirety of the reception. Which was fine.

 

Jared was fucked.

 

He really wanted to know who arranged the seating at this goddamn reception. Didn’t Heidi know that Jared and Evan were about as welcome in each other’s lives as an alligator was in a port-a-potty? (Jared didn’t want to think about which of them was the alligator. It was a weird comparison anyway.) She should have had the foresight to veto this seating chart. Or at least someone should have. If not for Jared’s sake, at least for Evan’s. God knows everyone here liked Evan infinitely more than Jared, even his own goddamn parents, (who, speak of the devil, had finally decided to grace the table with their presence and sat down next to Jared, offering him simpering smiles. He greeted them in kind and returned to drumming on the table.)

 

Across the room he caught a glimpse of Heidi and her new husband, hand-in-hand and giggling like a couple of teenagers. They were adorable. Heidi had elected to get married in a white pantsuit rather than a dress, which Jared thought was a complete fucking power move. She’d also decided to keep her last name rather than change it to “Larson,” a decision Jared wholeheartedly approved of. Not that Frederick Larson, her new husband, wouldn’t be worthy of someone taking his name. He was a short, soft-bellied black man with a full beard and kind, twinkling eyes. He reminded Jared of a teddy bear. The couple laughed at some private joke between them and Jared couldn’t help but feel warmth spreading through his chest as he watched them. They seemed so hopelessly in love. Jared wondered what it felt like. He didn’t think he ever would. He shook his head as if to clear it of his bitter, lonely thoughts. Now was not the time to wallow in his own shit. He knew his therapist would chew him out for “repressing his emotions,” but he didn’t really care. _Give yourself space to feel, Jared. Don’t push your feelings down,_ she had said to him. (He’d scoffed but he didn’t tell her she was full of shit, so maybe the therapy was working after all.)

 

He saw Heidi’s face light up across the room as a third figure joined them. She threw her arms around the newcomer, and Jared didn’t need to look very closely to see that it was Evan. He inhaled sharply, hating how breathless he felt upon seeing Evan. He’d managed to avoid him during the wedding ceremony, but now he couldn’t tear his gaze away from him. Fuck. He looked really good. He was wearing a black suit that he filled out a little too well with a red shirt underneath, and he’d let his hair grow out a little past his ears to the point that it slightly curled. He also stood taller than before, with a confidence he’d never had when Jared had known him. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Heidi and Frederick said something to Evan and he flushed bright pink and grinned, shaking his head. A pang of envy struck Jared. Why couldn’t he be like that with his own parents? Why couldn’t they be that close? Jared felt like a voyeur suddenly, as though he wasn’t supposed to see this moment between Evan and his family. Even so, Jared couldn’t help himself. He drank in the sight of Evan, trying to commit his appearance to memory. He hated himself for it, but he didn’t stop.

 

Evan looked over in Jared’s direction and the two of them made eye contact. Evan’s grin faded immediately and he fixed Jared with an unreadable look. It wasn’t hostile or friendly, it just...was. Jared pretended the tablecloth was suddenly very interesting and elected to stare at it instead of Evan. He wanted to kick himself. Even after two years of total silence between them, Evan still had the ability to scramble Jared’s senses and make his brain short-circuit. Jared had been really hoping that maybe after all this time, he might have gotten over being in love with Evan Hansen, but it turned out that the universe just didn’t want Jared to have that kind of luck.

 

He sat back, dejected, and began twiddling his thumbs in his lap. He didn’t look up until he heard footsteps followed by the scraping sound of the chair next to him being drawn. Jared turned and saw Evan, who looked about as nervous as Jared felt. Evan turned to greet Jared’s parents before turning his body towards Jared and inhaling sharply.

 

“Hi,” Evan said with a small smile. Jared felt a pang of emotion within his chest at the sight of him. It really wasn’t fair that Evan’s smile was so captivating. It just wasn’t fair at all.

 

“Sup, homeslice,” he said, and promptly began mentally berating himself. _Homeslice? Really? That’s all you can say to him after_ two years _?_ Evan gave him a small chuckle, but it sounded weak and forced.

 

“You uh, you look good,” Evan said, looking Jared up and down.

 

“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.” Jared’s voice rang with false confidence. He wondered if Evan could tell.

 

“What um, what have you been up to lately? In your life?”

 

“Oh, you know. Suffering through college. Majoring in software design. Working part time at Starbucks. Trying not to die.”

 

“That’s pretty cool.”

 

“It’s hell.”

 

“Oh.” Silence fell between them for a moment. Jared awkwardly tried to fill it.

 

“What about you? What’s been new with you?”

 

“Well, I uh, worked at Pottery Barn for a year and then saved up enough to go to community college classes. I’m um, I’m going to become a park ranger full time, I think, once I get my botany degree, you know?” Evan smiled shyly as he spoke, and warmth spread throughout Jared as he listened to Evan talk.   

 

“That sounds like it’s the perfect job for you,” Jared said, grinning. “You’ll be one with your kind out in the forest.” Evan’s face broke out into a full grin at that.

 

“Yeah, it’s going to be pretty great.” Evan looked Jared in the eyes and Jared was startled by how vibrantly green Evan’s eyes were. _Were his eyes always that beautiful?_ He couldn’t keep himself from staring. Evan inhaled as though he was about to say something else, but Jared’s father caught Evan’s attention and he turned away from Jared.

 

They managed to get through the dinner without speaking very much, besides occasional side comments made in the other’s direction. Jared was becoming more and more agitated by the minute. They were being civil to each other, but it was getting impossible to ignore the ache that was spreading through his chest just from being in Evan’s presence. Evan was sitting only about a foot from him at the table, but it felt like a wall sat between them, a wall built on top of all of the hurt that they couldn’t acknowledge. Jared was sitting there, acting like he wasn’t acutely aware of all of Evan’s tiny actions, and feeling like he was slowly going mad.

 

The awkward tension between them broke right around the time that dessert was served. A woman from another table, whom apparently neither Heidi or her new husband had ever met before but had come with one of Heidi’s friends, approached Evan. “Excuse me?” she said. “Are you Evan Hansen? From the Connor Project?”

 

Evan paused, his eyes widening, and Jared watched him intently for all the tell-tale signs of an anxiety attack. Evan cleared his throat and swallowed his bite of apple crisp. “Yes, yes, I am,” he said, a little too quickly.

 

“I’m Meghan Acker,” she said, holding out her hand for him to shake. He took it gently. “I’m sorry to bother you, I just wanted to tell you that you’re an absolute inspiration to me. I’m a teacher, and I show your speech to my students every semester to remind them that they’re, well, you know, not alone.”

 

“Oh my gosh,” Evan said, “that’s um, that’s amazing.”

 

“Yeah,” Meghan said with a bright smile, “I think it really works. I’ve had students tell me that seeing that speech inspired them to reach out or seek counseling.”

 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Evan said with a small chuckle. “That’s just...wow. I’m glad my speech could help people like that.”

 

“It really did. It’s-it’s such an honor to be able to meet you. I’ll uh, I’ll let you get back to your dessert now, but I just wanted to thank you. For all you’ve done for my students. It’s such an amazing thing you did.”

 

“Yeah, uh, no problem,” Evan said, a bit lamely, Jared thought. She turned away with a small giggle and walked away with her arms delicately held at her sides. Jared felt bitterness coiling in his chest, and he fought to keep it down.

 

“That’s gotta feel pretty good, huh?” he said in Evan’s direction, not daring to look directly at him.

 

“It helps with the guilt,” Evan said darkly, folding his hands in his lap.

 

“Guilt? What could you _possibly_ have to feel guilty about? It’s not like the Connor Project was a huge _lie_ or anything. Oh wait,” Jared said, feigning realization. Evan looked at him like he’d just kicked him, and Jared immediately felt like a piece of shit. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut and just let Evan feel good about himself? Why did he have to lash out like this?

 

Evan was silent for a moment before he looked at Jared and spoke very softly. “Do you feel guilty too? When people talk to you about the Connor Project?”

“People don’t talk to me about it,” he said shortly. He felt his skin prickling. He wanted to leap out of his chair.

 

“Oh. That's weird.”

 

“Nah, I was in the background for the whole thing anyway. I'm not a celebrity like you are. But it's cool. I mean, as long as we were helping people, right?” Jared said through gritted teeth, knowing that Evan could see through him. Jared didn't have an altruistic bone in his body, and even though the project had meant the world to him, he had joined it for selfish reasons. _You were always selfish regarding all things Connor,_ a voice in his head whispered, and he elected to ignore it. He didn’t need to think about his mistakes with Connor at that moment.

 

Evan looked contemplatively down at his hands and twiddled his thumbs before speaking again. “Do you ever miss--” Evan cleared his throat. “Do you ever miss the Connor project?”

 

Jared's stomach twisted. “No,” he said shortly. “And I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t bring it up. I don't need you broadcasting that I was your sidekick who helped you create that sick excuse for a charity.” _You should be proud of it, though, after all, you’re the reason it exists in more ways than one, Jared._

 

“Why?” Evan looked genuinely puzzled. “I thought you of all people would want to tell everyone about how you helped with the Connor Project, you know, cause it would improve your image and all that,” Evan added with a bitter note to his voice. _Well_ , _okay then_.

 

“You helped with the Connor Project?” Jared’s mom asked, clearly having overheard their conversation. Jared flushed beet red.

 

“A couple times,” Jared said, longing to escape the conversation.

 

“You were one of the founding members of it,” Evan said, his brow furrowed.

 

“I never knew you helped out with the Connor Project, Jared. I wish you would have told us,” his mother said, very gently. “My coworkers were so inspired by that speech Evan gave that we all donated money for that orchard. We probably could have donated more if I knew my little boy was helping out with the project.” _Yeah, well, joke’s on you, mom, I haven’t told you anything about myself since freshman year of high school._

 

“He was amazing,” Evan said to Jared’s mom, almost beaming. “He was there at the very beginning. He helped set up the fundraiser for the orchard. The project likely wouldn’t have even gotten off of the ground if it weren’t for him.” _That’s a nice way to say it._

 

“Jared, that’s wonderful! Why didn’t you ever tell us?” his dad asked, leaning in.

 

“It never really came up in conversation,” Jared said through gritted teeth.

 

“He was instrumental. He put his heart and soul into it, just like Alana and I did.”

 

“Well, look where that got all of us!” Jared spat. Evan pursed his lips and looked down, a pained expression in his eyes. Jared felt a twisting sensation in his stomach from knowing that he caused that expression, but he ignored it. He was too pissed.

 

“I wasn’t talking about that,” Evan said, so softly it was almost a whisper.

 

“No, you’re just pretending that everything’s okay so you can suck up to my parents. Don’t know why you’re doing that, but you are. And I’d really like it if you stopped. It’s okay, you don’t need to act all friendly just cause we got thrown together by some bullshit seating chart that we clearly both resent. So can we stop pretending we actually want to talk to each other and just avoid each other like adults?” he snarled.

 

At this point, all eyes on the table were locked on Jared, especially his mother, whose maddeningly kind face was twisted with worry and shock, but Jared wasn’t really looking at her or any of them for that matter. He felt his face heating up. So much for not making a scene. Oh, well, fuck it, he’d apologize to Heidi later. He took one last look at Evan, who looked absolutely crushed upon hearing Jared’s words. _Good,_ he thought vindictively before turning away and heading off towards the hallway.

 

He managed to duck into the men’s bathroom before the first angry sob escaped him. Thankfully, there was no one else in there, so he could deal with his emotions away from prying eyes. He could still hear chatter from the room in which the reception was held, but that was to be expected, it was loud as fuck in there. He leaned forward against the counter and let the hot tears spill down his cheeks. He hadn’t had an emotional outburst like this in a long time, and he was embarrassed at his immature reaction to the situation, but it wasn’t as though he could really do anything about it at this point, especially now that he’d reached the point at which he was crying in a bathroom.

 

He rubbed at his eyes under his glasses, trying to pull himself together, but it was useless. His body wracked with sobs and he hid his face in his hands. _Fuck you, Evan. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you._ What on earth possessed Evan to think any of this was cool? Like he could just talk to Jared after hurting him the way he did? _Kids, you need to wear shoes in this area, you don’t want a shard of Jared’s_ heart _in your foot after Evan Hansen cast him aside!_ He sighed and pulled his hands away from his face, staring his expression in the mirror. It wasn’t a pretty sight. His eyes were puffy and red, and his lip was still trembling. He looked like a snotty little boy. “And fuck you too, Mirror Jared,” he said aloud, hating the way his voice trembled as he said it.

 

He waited a few more minutes, simply standing there, staring off into space before splashing water onto his face and drying it roughly with a paper towel. He made his way back down the hallway and heard the sound of Heidi’s voice. She seemed to be giving some sort of a speech.

 

“I’d just like to thank everyone here for coming, and to the Appletree Hotel for hosting us tonight. I’d also like to give a huge thank you to my son, who helped plan this entire thing to a T. I mean really, anything we needed done, he was there helping us out, invitations, selecting a cake, even planning the seating at the tables, that was all him, so if you think this celebration is good, don’t thank me, thank Evan.” A chorus of scattered laughs followed her last sentence. Jared put a hand on his forehead. _So the seating arrangement was actually Evan’s idea. Great. Good to know I’m a giant dick._

 

She continued with her speech, but Jared stopped listening. Besides, he didn’t think he could go back in there at that point, especially not after making a scene like that and overhearing that little tidbit of information, so he turned back to the bathroom. Once inside, he slid down the wall and reached into his jacket pocket to pull out the flask of whiskey he reserved for situations like this one. He knew it was far from the classiest thing he’d ever done, but he wasn’t exactly a classy person, and besides, he needed it. Badly. He took a large gulp and grimaced at the taste. It acted quickly, though, and he brought the bottle to his lips again, determined not to feel anymore.

 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, drinking and staring off into space. All he knew was eventually he ran out of whiskey. He sighed and pocketed the flask again. He felt pretty fucking pathetic at that point, drinking in a bathroom to avoid the rest of the celebration, but he didn’t know exactly how he’d go about re-joining the fray, or if he even could. The answer to that question came sooner than he thought it would when a person walked into the bathroom. Jared groaned internally when he realized the person was Evan. Because of course Evan was there right then. Where else could he possibly be.

 

“All the single women lined up to grab the bouquet, and somehow Mom managed to throw it so it ended up in my hands. I don’t really know what the universe is trying to tell me here,” Evan said, brandishing the aforementioned bouquet. Jared just looked up at him, not trusting himself to say anything. Evan scratched the back of his neck.

 

“You, uh, missed the bouquet and garter tosses. A-and the first dance, but now they’re onto the Wobble so I don’t think you really will mind missing that.” Jared managed a small smile in spite of himself.

 

“Yeah, I don’t really feel like dancing to that song. Besides, no one's really gonna want me in there, especially not after I stormed out of there like a fucking teenager.” An awkward silence fell between them in which Evan wrung his hands, opening and closing his mouth as though he was trying to form words but none came out, like a koi fish plagued with indecision. “If you have something to say, fucking say it already,” Jared said, his tone a bit nastier than he’d intended. Evan pursed his lips and then scratched the back of his neck again.

 

“Jared, listen, I uh--I know I should have contacted you before, I shouldn’t have just thrown you into a seat next to me and expected it to be okay. Looking back, there’s no possible way that could have gone well. I just,” he dragged his hands down his face and looked down at Jared with another unreadable expression, “I really did want to talk to you, Jared.”

 

“About?” Jared tried his best to glare at Evan, but he was sure that it looked pathetic, just like the rest of him. “What could we possibly talk about?”

 

“What happened between us,” Evan said softly, meeting Jared’s glare with a gentle look that made Jared’s insides squirm. “I wanted to make it right.” Jared laughed mirthlessly and stood up less than gracefully.

 

“Oh? You want to make it right? Why, have you finally started to feel bad about using me so you could manipulate your way into Zoe Murphy’s pants?” Evan winced.

 

“That’s not what I--”

 

“Or is it that you’ve finally grown a conscience about throwing me aside like I was fucking garbage once you got popular?”

 

Evan fixed him with a cold stare. “That’s not fair, Jared.”

 

“No you know what’s not fair?” He walked forward and jabbed a finger at Evan’s chest. “Losing your best friend once he got everything he always wanted and didn’t fucking need you anymore.”

 

Evan looked like he'd been slapped, but he recovered quickly, and Jared could see a familiar fury in his eyes. “You never even wanted to call me your friend! You always acted like you were forced to hang out with me to fulfill some obligation!”

 

“Well I-I thought I needed an excuse to spend time with you,” Jared said lamely, the retort lacking any ire.

 

“Well you didn’t! Jesus Christ, couldn’t you have just been a friend? It’s not that hard! I mean honestly, Jared, how can you sit here and tell me I hurt you when all you ever did was treat me like crap?”

 

“You broke my fucking heart, Evan!” Jared blurted out. He knew it wasn’t a retort, but he had no excuse. He couldn’t explain to Evan why exactly he’d kept him at a distance, why he hadn’t allowed their friendship to be genuine. Evan’s eyes widened and he shook his head.

 

“How the hell did I do _that_ , Jared? I mean, hell, we’re only in this situation because the only person you care about is yourself!”

 

“No, the only person I care about is you, asshole!” Silence fell between them. Jared was certain he could hear a pin drop over the rush of blood in his ears. Evan opened his mouth and closed it, and Jared panicked. Shit, he’d said too much. He’d exposed himself for everything he was. He didn’t need to say anything else; with that one sentence he’d given himself away completely. Evan could see right through him now.

 

“I mean,” Jared said, clearing his throat, “ _was_ you. I have people now. That I care about. I’m not that lonely anymore.” Evan just looked at him, his eyes searching Jared, but for what, Jared didn’t know. He felt like a bug under a magnifying glass with the way that Evan’s gaze burned through him.

 

Evan shook his head. “Why, Jared? You show me the real you for a moment, and then you--you take it back. I can’t make heads or fucking tails of you.”

 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Evan, but I don’t really tell people a lot about me. You’re getting about as close as anyone gets, right here right now.”

 

“Yeah, no shit, you didn’t even tell your parents about your role in the Connor Project. Which uh, what the hell?”

 

“My parents pretty much know that I’m a sophomore in college and nothing else.”

 

Evan shook his head. “That sounds really hard, Jared.”

 

Jared shrugged. “I mean, it’s not a big deal. It’s nice to not have people up in my shit all the time.” _Even when I wish someone would care._ They both fell silent at that, and Jared remembered the bullshit exercise that his therapist had had him do during their last session. _If you could say anything to Evan, besides “fuck you,” what would it be? Tell me now what you’d say to him._ Jared didn’t think he could repeat what he’d said to his therapist that day to Evan right then, but he figured if he didn’t say anything to Evan, he’d never get the chance to truly say it.

 

“Evan, listen, I--” he found himself at a loss for words. “I know I’m an asshole, and I never really acted like I cared, but I only acted like that because I knew it would hurt when I inevitably lost you. Which I did. And pretending I didn’t care about you didn’t make it hurt any less. So that one’s on me.” He shifted uncomfortably. “But also...you-you just cast me aside. Like I didn’t matter. And it really fucking hurt because,” Jared swallowed thickly, avoiding looking Evan in the eye, “all I ever wanted was to be your friend. To be close with you. And I get that I pushed you away but you just--” Jared’s voice broke and he cut himself off, not trusting himself to continue. He gestured weakly with his hands, trying to finish his point without speaking.

 

Evan looked stunned. He swallowed and stepped closer to Jared, tentatively reaching out and putting a hand on his arm. Jared’s breath hitched. He knew he should want to throw Evan off of him, to greet him with a look of disgust and hatred, but all he could think about was how Evan’s touch burned through the fabric of his suit jacket and set Jared’s skin on fire. Evan nervously licked his lips and gulped. “Hey Jared?” he said. “I know this isn’t exactly the kind of conflict you,” Evan chuckled softly, “you hug out but um...can I? C-can _we_?”

 

Jared didn’t know why he nodded, or why he leaned in and let Evan wrap his arms around him. He knew he should be a lot more furious with Evan, that he should put his defenses back up after all he'd revealed about himself, but he knew it would be pointless. If he put his walls up now, they couldn't keep Evan out. He was already inside. Jared hugged Evan back, careful not to seem too eager about it. It was hard, though, because Evan was wearing some sort of cinnamon scented cologne and he was gently stroking Jared's back almost as if on instinct. Jared would be lying if he said his heart wasn't beating at twice its usual tempo.

 

Evan pulled away and Jared reluctantly let go of him. Evan gave him a once over before asking “Jared, why do you smell like a distillery?” Jared pulled out the empty bottle of whiskey and held it up.

 

“For getting through social situations,” Jared explained. He cringed inwardly, hoping Evan wouldn't try to chide him or express concern for his drinking habits. Instead, Evan just exhaled and put a hand on his forehead.

 

“Wish you'd saved some for me,” Evan joked, but it fell flat and neither of them laughed. Evan cleared his throat somewhat uncomfortably. “Listen Jared I um...I never wanted to throw away our friendship. I just...I was so messed up at the time.”

 

Jared laughed shortly. “Yeah, yeah me too.”

 

“If you um, if you wanted, we could try all this again? I know we still have a lot to sort through, but I think it could be worth it. I-I want to be your friend for real this time. Not just a uh, a family friend.”

 

“You were always a real friend, Evan,” Jared said, cringing at the sound of the phrase “family friend.” He didn't know how Evan could ask him to be friends again so easily, but looking at Evan right then, Jared felt all of the hurt evaporate, leaving behind a soft ache and a feeling of warmth. Jared didn't see the boy who had yelled at him two years ago when he looked at Evan, but instead he saw the boy who had grinned at him toothily in first grade, the boy who had shared his lunch with him all through middle school, the boy who lit up when he talked about trees and who had put up with Jared sending him Bee Movie memes at 2am. He saw his best friend. Jared knew right then that he could never want anything as badly as he wanted to be Evan's friend in that moment.

 

He gave Evan a small grin. “I'd love to be your friend again, man.” The smile that Evan gave him in response was dazzling, warm and bright as a stream of sunlight piercing through a canopy of trees. He found himself mesmerized by him. He and Evan both inhaled at the same time as if to speak, and Jared felt the air between them thicken. Evan's eyes darted nervously away from Jared, and Jared wondered if something was wrong, but then Evan was pulling him into another hug and this time, Jared relaxed into his embrace. Dimly, Jared thought about how two years ago, he wouldn't have been able to just stand there and hold Evan. Maybe he really was making progress. He'd have to give his therapist a fruit basket for her efforts.

 

He noticed Evan trembling a little and he rubbed his back. “Hey, you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I just…” Evan chuckled shakily, “I just was really worried that this would be a disaster, and it almost was.” Evan pulled away and ducked his head bashfully. “I was gonna confront you somewhere else, my therapist even had me write a whole speech but uh it turns out I didn't need it.” Jared found himself amused and touched that Evan had prepared for this encounter the same way Jared had, although Evan probably hadn't used the phrase “bitch-ass tree-fucking liar” in a therapy session. Not that Jared would have ever said anything like that. He was always professional.

 

“Wow, Hansen, you prepared to talk to _me_?” He put a hand on his chest and grinned. “Aren't you sweet as a cherry cobbler.”

 

Evan snorted. “You’re so weird,” he murmured and then realized what he'd said. “I-In a good way! I like your weirdness.”

 

Jared laughed, a real genuine laugh that he hadn't made in a long time. “Yeah, that's me, your weird friend.” The word “friend” felt foreign in his mouth but also filled him with warmth.

 

Evan smiled. “Well, my weird friend, do you want to return to the festivities with me?”

 

“Sure,” Jared said, “I gotta apologize to your mom eventually, might as well rip off the band aid sooner than later right?”

 

Evan nodded and extended his hand. “Come along with me.” Jared hesitated but then he took his hand. It was warm and callused (and more than a little sweaty) but Jared thought it felt perfect in Jared's grip, as though their hands fit together like puzzle pieces. Jared chased that thought out of his mind. They made their way back to the reception hand in hand, and Jared tried not to think too hard about the fact that Evan hadn't let go of him yet. He couldn't start thinking about Evan like that again, not if they were going to make their friendship last this time. (Jared knew he was fucked, though, because the thought of just being friends with Evan made his heart flutter.)

 

They reached the room in which the reception was being held and Evan dropped Jared's hand. The speakers were blasting the Cha Cha Slide, and they had to weave their way through rows of gyrating dancers, their limbs flying at odd angles like a bunch of drunk pigeons. Jared clenched and unclenched his fists to relieve some of the tension he felt within. He wished he hadn't thrown such a hissy fit in front of Heidi and Frederick, especially now that things had reached a delicate state of okay-ness.

 

They found the newlywed pair raptly engaged in conversation with a couple of the Hansens’ new in-laws, whom Jared had never seen before and didn’t care to get to know. When Evan and Jared reached them, however, the group promptly dispersed and Heidi greeted them with a hard expression on her face. Jared swallowed. Heidi was like a second mom to him, but there were moments in which Jared thought that she would be capable of swallowing him whole like a snake. This was one such moment.

 

“That was quite the stunt you pulled back there, Jared,” she said, crossing her arms. “Care to explain why you did that?”

 

Jared opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words came out. He looked to Evan for help, but he only shrugged as if to say _this one’s on you._ Jared took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. “Mrs. Hansen, I’m really sorry. I was really upset and agitated, and I had a lot of stuff to work through with Evan since we kinda left off on a bad note. But that’s still uh, no excuse for how I treated you. And I’m really very sorry.”

 

She pursed her lips and then nodded. “I understand that, Jared. But please, also understand that your family is very dear to mine, and that it really hurts my feelings that you would act like you’re unwelcome here and cause a scene like that. Especially on a day that is so important to me.” She turned and gave her husband a small smile, who beamed back at her before fixing Jared with a cold look of his own.

 

“I know. It was a dick move.” He felt his insides churning. He knew this would be rough, but he didn’t expect her to be so _nice_ about what he did. It made it harder to look her in the eye, but he forced himself to do so. He was greeted by a soft, slightly sad expression in her eyes. She stepped closer to him and patted his shoulder affectionately.

 

“I just don’t want you to feel unhappy here, Jared. This is supposed to be a good day. And you’re important to me and Evan.” She ruffled his hair, and he felt a lump rise in his throat. She was so kind, how did the world deserve her? “I take it you and Evan worked out your issues, and you’re not going to have any more outbursts tonight?” she said, and Jared nodded. She grinned. “Then you’re fine, honey.”

 

Jared was overwhelmed, and to hide the tears that were pricking at the corners of his eyes, he reached out for her and hugged her. “Thank you,” he said in a thick voice. She rubbed his back reassuringly. Jared could see where Evan inherited his gentle touch. He pulled away and looked to Frederick and then back to Heidi. “You guys are super cute, congratulations on the marriage and all that,” he said, trying and failing to sound like his usual self. It earned him a genuine laugh from both of them, though, so he considered it a win. He addressed Frederick. “You seem like a really great guy.”

 

Frederick smiled toothily. “Thank you, young man. I have to admit, you didn’t make a great first impression, but you’re recovering quite nicely, so I think I’m gonna end up liking you quite a bit. Besides, I’m probably going to be seeing a lot of you, so let’s try to get off on the right foot, shall we?” Frederick clapped Jared gently on the shoulder and warmth spread throughout his entire being. Another in-law broke into the group and diverted Heidi and Frederick’s attention away, and after quickly excusing themselves, they walked away from Jared and Evan.

 

Jared turned to Evan, his brow furrowed. “What did he mean by ‘I’m going to be seeing a lot of you?’”

 

Evan was pink, and he didn’t look Jared in the eye when he replied. “It uh, means that I asked him for advice on how to get you to be my friend again. And he could probably tell that we’re friends again. So. Yeah.”

 

Well, that hadn’t been the reply that Jared was expecting. Not that he was complaining, by any means. He tried to come up with a witty reply, but all he could manage was a quiet “wow.” Evan shyly met Jared’s gaze and smiled softly at him.

 

“Yeah.”

 

The moment was quickly broken by the sound of a new song playing over the loudspeakers. The first few notes played, and Jared gaped in disbelief before grinning like a fool. “This is not.”

 

Evan didn’t look amused. “It is,” he replied. Across the room, Heidi and Frederick were practically jumping for joy and heading towards the dancefloor as the song crooned “ _we are no strangers to love…”_  

 

“They unironically love this song,” Evan deadpanned, with the expression of a long-suffering son who has had no one with whom to share his parental woes. “They don’t know it’s a meme.”

 

“And you didn’t think it would be your duty as their son to tell them about this song’s legendary meme status?”

 

“They looked so cute and excited about putting it on the playlist! If I told them, it would be cruel!” Jared couldn’t help but snort at the look on Evan’s face. He was adorable.

 

“Oh my God,” Jared said, throwing back his head and laughing. “We’re getting Rick-rolled at your parents’ wedding. This is great.” An idea popped into his head, and he turned to Evan, grinning devilishly. “Hey _friend_ ,” he said, “do me the honor of dancing with me to this god tier song?”

 

Evan shook his head. “You’re such a dork,” he said, but then he took his hand anyway and let Jared guide him towards the dancefloor, where they awkwardly danced along to the second verse of the song. Their dancing mostly consisted of Evan moving his knees from side to side and Jared pointing his fingers at Evan in time with the beat, but it was still fun, and apparently Jared was amusing enough when he danced that Evan at one point threw his head back and cackled. Jared took in the sight of Evan laughing and knew he was a goner. Any hope of suppressing his crush was dashed. Evan just looked so radiant in the light of the dancefloor, with his bright eyes illuminated further and his sweat gleaming on his skin, making his hair stick to the back of his neck. Jared wanted nothing more than to commit every detail of Evan’s appearance to memory, to save it and never forget it as long as he lived.

 

Eventually the song ended and was replaced by a slow, sappy love song, and Heidi and Frederick and a plethora of other couples pulled each other close and began to sway, staring into each other’s eyes with goofy expressions on their faces. Evan and Jared both cleared their throats and shuffled awkwardly off of the dancefloor. Jared’s chest felt oddly tight as he walked away, and he wondered for a split second if he should ask Evan to keep dancing with him, but he thought better of it. He’d already pushed his luck too far tonight with this newfound friendship, and he wasn’t going to squander it on a stupid crush that hadn’t seemed to go away in the time since high school.

 

He followed Evan back to their seats, where Evan turned to him and leaned in close. Jared became acutely aware of every freckle on Evan’s cheek and tried to fight the breathless feeling that overwhelmed him at the close proximity.

 

“You know where a couple of underage guys like us could get a drink?” he said, his eyes twinkling.

 

“Lucky for you,” he said, pulling out his fake ID from his pocket, “tonight I’m not underage.”

 

“Jared why the hell do you have that.”

 

“I think the correct response is ‘thanks Jared, you’re so cool for offering to get me alcohol.’”

 

“Insanely cool?” Evan said with a grin.

 

“Shut up, you dick.” Jared rolled his eyes. “I got you though, what do you want?”

 

Evan told him his order (some fruity concoction that would have made Jared gag) and Jared went to the bar and bought their respective drinks. After that the evening began to pass in one giant blur. He lost track of what song was playing or who made what joke. He could only focus on how warm he felt inside and how funny everything was, especially when it made Evan laugh too. Evan’s laugh was practically musical, and Jared wanted to play it on loop like a favorite song. He’d do anything to make Evan keep laughing, he realized.

 

After what could have been one hour or three, Evan put his arm around Jared’s shoulders, pink in the face laughing impossibly loud at something someone had said. “Hey Jared,” he slurred, “buddy, let’s go hang out in my hotel room. I got something I need to show you.” A much more sober Jared would have been apprehensive at that, but he was three sheets to the wind and had set his default mode to “fuck it, let’s do it,” so he agreed and decided to follow Evan out the door, muttering a half-assed goodbye to Heidi and Frederick as he went. (He decided not to say goodbye to his own parents. He couldn’t see them anywhere. Oh well. He’d apologize to his mom eventually. Maybe even tell her the truth. Who knows.)

 

Evan was staying in the same hotel that the reception was being held, which was a good thing, because Jared didn’t think that either of them would have been able to handle driving or even finding transportation at that point. It took Evan a full minute to press the elevator button to go up to his room, which prompted a series of cackles from Jared that came out far louder than he had intended. Evan rolled his eyes at Jared, and Jared was overwhelmed with the urge to touch him, to be closer to him. He smelled amazing, even after drinking an unreasonable about of alcohol and sweating through multiple dances that would likely end up incriminating the both of them on Facebook later. Jared looped his arm through Evan’s and gave him a toothy grin. “Wassup,” he slurred. Evan raised an eyebrow at Jared’s odd behavior, but Jared was saved by the dinging of the elevator as it brought them up to Evan’s floor. He tugged Evan along, singing “we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!” (He was surprisingly on-key.)

 

“You’re an idiot, Jared.”

 

“I know that, where’s your damn room, boy?”

 

“It’s the opposite direction from where you’re taking me.”

 

They finally managed to make it into Evan’s room after a minute of Evan fumbling with the key (“it’s a fucking conspiracy, I put it in and it doesn’t go!” “that’s what she said” “shut up”) and stumbled inside, kicking off their shoes in the process.

 

“So,” Jared said, grinning nervously, “what did you say you had to show me?”

 

Evan blinked. “What?”

 

“You said you wanted to show me something.” It was like a lightbulb went off in Evan’s eyes.

 

“Oh yeah!” he said. “Give me a moment!” He bent over to rummage through his suitcase, which was still meticulously arranged on the floor, and Jared tried not to stare at his ass as he did so. He failed. “Aha!” Evan said triumphantly, pulling out a small package that was neatly wrapped in crepe paper. “Here you go,” Evan said, handing it to Jared. His face burned as he opened the packaging, and he choked when he saw the contents of the present. Staring up at him from inside the packaging was the worst clay figurine he had ever seen. It was supposed to be a bee, but it definitely didn’t look like it. It was painted yellow and black but with giant googly eyes and a smile that looked like it had human teeth. The paint job looked like it had been done by an eight year old. Jared loved it. He broke down sobbing with laughter.

 

“G-graphic design is my passion,” he wheezed, holding the bee up to the light. “Where the hell did you find this?”

“It was at an antique store my mom wanted to check out, I saw it and immediately thought of you.” Evan giggled uncontrollably. “I’m really glad you decided to show up here and agreed to talk to me, cause I frankly,” he burst into peals of laughter again, “really didn’t wanna keep that horrifying thing in my suitcase.”

 

“And yet you thought it was appropriate to give to me, wow, really feeling the love here, Hansen,” Jared said, still grinning. “Wait holy shit, did you get me this because I called you Barry Benson for two weeks after you told me about your pitifully awkward ‘I love jazz’ encounter with Zoe Murphy?” Evan dragged his hands down his face.

 

“God, Jared, I can’t believe you fucking remember that,” he groaned. “But yes, I did.”

 

“Hey, don’t doubt my skills man, I’m a fucking s-savant, I’m so sorry I can’t fucking focus on anything but the fact that this thing has _human teeth_ what the fuck.”

 

“If they weren’t flat they’d probably look fucking real,” Evan said.

 

“True, they’re way too yellow for my liking.” Jared examined it, enraptured, and he almost missed Evan staring at him. “What?” he asked. Evan shook his head.

 

“Nothing,” he said, grinning. “Do you like it?”

 

“I hate it. So much. I’m keeping it forever.” Jared removed the empty bottle of whiskey from his jacket pocket and chucked it in the trash so he could replace it with the bee. He patted his chest. “For safekeeping. I’m keeping it close to my heart. Even though it will probably kill me in my sleep.” Evan grinned at him. They stood there for a few more moments making awkward eye contact before Jared decided to do something to defuse the tension. (Mostly so he wouldn’t have to look directly at Evan.) Jared didn’t know why he thought it would be smart to take off his jacket and lay it on Evan’s dresser, or why he thought it would be a good idea to unceremoniously flop down on top of Evan’s bed, proclaiming “your bed is SOFT” but he did, and he stared at the ceiling in drunken wonder. “It’s so fuckin’ grainy,” he said, as though fascinated. “The ceiling. You ever wonder how they make it look like that? It’s weird.”

 

Evan sat down next to Jared, a little more careful in his movements as he settled onto the bed, but he laid down beside him and stared up as well. “Probably some weird plaster trick or something,” he said. Jared was all too acutely aware of Evan lying next to him, and he swallowed thickly. His throat was dry. He didn’t trust himself to say anything, especially not with Evan lying so close to him, so they fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence, which Evan eventually broke.

 

“Hey Jared?” he asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell your parents you helped with the Connor Project?”

 

“Jeez, you’re asking about this again?”

 

“It doesn’t make sense to me.”

 

“Okay, fine, fine, I’ll tell you.” He dragged a hand down his face. “I didn’t tell them because it wasn’t exactly something I was super proud of doing. Like I didn’t really care about lying for you but I uh…” he puffed out his cheeks. “I knew Connor in sophomore year, alright? We were friends. We didn’t really make it obvious at school because I didn’t want people to know I was hanging out with the weird emo kid, but we hung out a lot. He learned a uh...a lot about me. And I him. And we were actually super good friends. I was starting to do my stupid “family friends” thing with you and pushed you away, so he was my closest friend back then.” He sighed. He didn’t want to show Evan this part of him. He felt so exposed, like Evan was staring directly at his naked soul. He felt Evan’s gaze intent upon him, and he looked away from Evan. If baring his deepest secrets was the price he paid for Evan’s friendship, he’d willingly pay it, but he didn’t have to look right at Evan while he did it.

 

He continued. “And then we started to drift apart, and people at school started really making fun of him, and you know how people used to bully me I just...I couldn’t deal with being a target again, so I dropped him. He started doing drugs to cope with the bullying, and I couldn’t make them stop, so I told him I couldn’t be friends with a druggie. I should have stood up for him.” He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. “And then junior year happened, and I pushed you away further and he was so pissed at me, whenever we’d pass in the hallway he’d give me this hurt fucking look and I responded by…” he covered his eyes, not trusting himself not to cry. He shook his head. “I said the meanest shit to him. About him. He dished it as well as took it, it was more of a rivalry than me just picking on him per se, but the look in his eyes…” Jared felt Evan’s hand on his shoulder and he turned his head to see Evan looking at him. His eyes betrayed no judgment, they just held a soft, sorrowful expression. It was worse than if Evan hated him for what he’d admitted to.

 

“Jared,” Evan asked, his tone gentle. “Why didn’t you tell the Murphys that you knew him? I’m sure they would have found solace in knowing he had a friend at one point.”

 

“Oh yeah, I should have totally told the fucking Murphys that I used to hang out with their son but I abandoned him because I was too gutless to stand up for him.” He rolled his eyes. “I should have walked in there like “hey, Mrs. Murphy, thanks for having me over for dinner, did you know your son and I used to watch Avatar the Last fucking Airbender together and I called him Zuko as a joke? Did you know he got high while driving me around and crashed my car and then cried on my shoulder when I told him I wouldn’t stop being his friend over that? Did you know right after that in the backseat we--” Jared gulped. “Did you know two weeks later I dropped him with a fucking sneer on my face? His eyes were puffy and red all the time, even when he was fucking sober! All thanks to me!”” Jared pushed up his glasses and rubbed his eyes, letting out a frustrated groan. “I fucking suck,” Jared sobbed. The alcohol had loosened his tongue so much that he didn’t care about Evan seeing the worst of him anymore. If Evan was going to back out of being his friend again, he might as well. Jared was sick of holding in the memories that he couldn’t share with anyone.

 

“You know my therapist,” Jared said, clearing his throat, “says I should work on self-compassion. Or some shit. But I don’t fucking deserve it. No one deserves to fucking like themselves if they do something like I did.”

 

“Everyone makes mistakes, Jared.”

 

“Not like I did. I pretty much deserve to hate myself forever for that one.”

 

“I did pretty fucked up things to Zoe. Do you think I deserve to hate myself forever?”

 

“No! Well, kinda. But no. It’s fucking different.”

 

“How is it different?”

 

“Because you’re--” Jared flailed his arms weakly, “you’re just _you_ , you know? With your stupid polos and your wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly attitude and your ridiculous obsession with trees. And I’m me. It’s different.”

 

“I still don’t understand.”

 

“I’m saying you suck, but you still shouldn’t hate yourself, I’m saying it’s different, you idiot.” He was slurring his speech, and he could tell he wasn’t going to last long without breaking down completely in this drunken state. There was a long pause in which Evan said nothing. Then he spoke again.

 

“Do you remember when I broke my arm?”

 

“Yeah, how could I forget? You had Connor’s name on you like you were his fucking lunchbox in middle school for weeks.”

 

“You know how I fell out of a tree?”

 

“Yeah?” Jared didn’t like where this was going.

 

“I didn’t fall.”

 

“What?”

 

“I let go.”

 

“ _What_?!”

 

“I let go. I felt so alone and friendless so I just, I climbed this 40 foot tall oak tree and once I reached the top I realized I’d be better off if I didn’t climb down. If I just fell. So I let go. The sky was so beautiful up there. It was so beautiful to watch as I came down. It didn’t even feel real. And then I was alive on the ground and no one came to find me and I just--” Evan had been speaking with an eerie serenity to his voice, as if this story didn’t affect him at all, but he choked on the last word. Jared just stared at him incredulously.

 

“I called you a fucking acorn for the entirety of senior year, and it was because you tried to fucking _kill_ yourself?” Jared shook his head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me you felt so alone? Evan, why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

 

“I thought you’d laugh at me.” Evan’s eyes were so sincere, so watery, so sad. Jared reached out for him and clumsily pulled him closer.

 

“No, you fucking idiot I--” Jared tugged Evan to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, breathing raggedly. “Fuck, Evan, Evan no.” He squeezed him like he was holding onto him for dear life. As if he’d disappear if he let go. “ _Evan_ .” Jared let out a sob. “I would not have laughed at you. Jesus, fuck. Do you know how devastated I would have been if you were gone? I mean shit, it was hard enough losing you after we fought but _fuck_ if you were dead I’d--” A tear rolled down Jared’s cheek and he angrily wiped it away. “You’re not allowed to fucking kill yourself.”

 

“It was a long time ago.”

 

“It still happened.”

 

“I haven’t been in that dark place that much since then though!”

 

“But you _have_ been there.” Jared held him even tighter. “You fucking dick.” He smacked him gently on the shoulder. Evan looked up at him and Jared met his gaze. “If you ever get suicidal again I will kill you myself.” Evan let out a watery laugh at that and buried his head in Jared’s chest.

 

“Threatening me isn’t gonna make my mental health better, you know.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They lay there in silence after that, with Jared rubbing gentle circles into Evan’s back. He was thankful for the alcohol, because otherwise he’d be terrified that he was getting too close, that he was letting on too much, that Evan would know. But right then he didn’t care. All he cared about was holding Evan and making sure he didn’t slip away from him again. Fucking hell, Jared could have lost him and he wouldn’t have known until it was too late. Jared felt like the world’s biggest douchebag. How could he have looked at that cast for so long, seen Evan dive into the Connor Project, and never have made the connections in his mind? What if Evan had succeeded? Jared didn’t know if he would have been able to survive losing Evan like that. It was hard enough with Connor. He didn’t need to think about Connor. He needed to think about Connor. But he wouldn’t.

 

Evan shifted on Jared’s chest so his head was resting closer to Jared’s shoulder, and his arms snaked around Jared’s middle, and all of Jared’s painful thoughts were chased away by the fluttering feeling in his chest. He wondered if it was a side effect of him working through his insecurities that he could just lie here with Evan, or if it could have always been this easy to be close and affectionate with him, and Jared had never known. Evan clearly was wondering the same thing.

 

“Jared, do you think if things were different, we could have been this close? Could things have been easy? Or would you still have done your ‘family friends’ thing?”

 

“I really don’t know.”

 

“Why _did_ you push me away?”

 

Jared shrugged. “Being in the closet is a hell of a drug, Hansen.” Evan straightened up and his eyes widened. _Shit._ Well, there it was. The alcohol had loosened him up thoroughly, and now if the cat hadn’t been out of the bag before, it was now scratching at the furniture. “Don’t judge me, please.” He hated how small his voice sounded.

 

“Jared, I wouldn’t judge you, oh my god!” Evan laughed. “I’m um. I’m glad you told me. Cause I think I like guys too? As well as girls? I just um, I didn’t tell you cause I didn’t know if you’d laugh at me or not. Or if you’d be disgusted by me and not want to be my friend.”

 

“Evan, I’m always gonna want to be your friend, don’t be stupid.” His voice betrayed him. It was thinner and higher than usual, and he wondered if he could be more obvious about how affected he was by Evan’s admission. His heart raced. Evan was bisexual? Well, that was gonna require a lot of processing on the part of a much more sober Jared. He elected to try to ignore it and just be normal with Evan for now. They fell back into a semi-awkward silence. Evan propped himself up on his elbows and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey Jared?” he asked.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Is there something you’ve always thought about doing? Like--” Evan gestured wildly in the air. “Something you’ve always wanted to do, but never knew if you could or not?”

 

“You mean like writing a book or something?”

 

“Yeah, something like that.” Evan flushed. “What would yours be?”

 

Well, that was quite the question. A swarm of thoughts entered Jared’s head at that moment, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to voice any of them aloud. He went with the safest one. “I guess going to a Tori Amos concert without worrying if anyone will judge my music taste,” he said with a short laugh. He gulped and looked at Evan. “What about yours?”

 

Evan didn’t say anything in response. He just stared at Jared with one of his unreadable expressions. Then he licked his lips and his eyes darted around nervously. Jared wondered what he was doing, but before he could register what was happening, Evan’s hand was touching Jared’s cheek and he was gently placing his lips on Jared’s. He pulled away just as quickly as he’d leaned in.

 

 _Holy shit._ Jared stared up at Evan. Had he really done that? Had he really just _kissed_ him? He looked panicked. “I’m sorry,” Evan said, “I’m sorry that was probably so out of line and not okay and--” Jared yanked him down and kissed him again. Evan immediately wrapped his arms around Jared and hummed contentedly into the kiss. Evan brought a hand up to rest on Jared’s face, stroking his cheek gently as his lips moved against Jared’s.

 

They pulled away and Evan grinned down at Jared. Jared felt like he was never going to catch his breath again. _Good, who needs breath?_ “You wanted to do that with me?” Jared asked. Evan nodded.

 

“Holy shit. You have no idea, you just--” Jared cut himself off by kissing Evan desperately. “For so long,” he murmured against Evan’s lips. “So long.” Evan put a hand behind Jared’s head and kissed him gently and deeply. His lips were softer than Jared had ever imagined, and he felt like his head was floating on cloud nine.

 

Evan eventually pulled back for air and laid his head on Jared’s shoulder again. Jared held Evan close, inhaling deeply. Neither of them spoke, and eventually Jared realized that Evan had fallen asleep on top of him and was now snoring softly. Jared snorted and kissed the top of Evan’s head, feeling lighter than he ever had in his life. Hopefully they’d remember this in the morning and would be able to talk about it. Maybe even follow it up with more kisses. Jared chuckled to himself and squeezed Evan gently.

 

“You did a fantastic fuckin’ job with that seating arrangement, gotta tell you.”


End file.
